In less than 2 weeks we have Matts memorial concert Music in Mind, it should be a good night I just hope it goes smoothly & we raise lots of money for SANE. There is still so much stigma against mental illness & suicide the aim is that we can raise awareness a little & show that this does effect 'normal' people. It's tough to lose a love one through suicide as even though you try so hard you still have anger towards them, that ultimately it was their choice to leave you & now your children are growing up without a dad. Then on the flip side you know if they felt they had another choice then they wouldn't have done it. More help needs to be given, more support offered & more understanding that mental illness can effect anyone but everyone is an individual too & they should be treated as such. After Matts inquest the health board concluded that Matt did not meet their criteria for needing sectioning, ie he was smartly dressed, looking after himself, had self clarity, was still working...........they were all only at the point of that appointment though. He had felt suicidal that morning & expressed that & his mood was altering frequently & that he didn't 'have time' & needed help urgently. The social worker & nurse sent him on his way telling someone would contact him the next day..........6 hours later he had hung himself!
This will forever be ingrained in my soul 😞
It was also Matts 34th birthday on the 26th May, the first without him here, another first that we got through. The kids were incredibly brave, I hope Matt can see just how amazing they are. I had a bit of a meltdown, we shouldn't have to be visiting a grave to sing happy birthday, my younger children shouldn't even know what one is 😢
Kyla & Carwyn returned later to see the lights lit up, they said you could see them from the top of the graveyard. Kyla took this photo
There is lots more I could talk about but will leave it for today 💗💗
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