6 hours lost of my life!

Tryfan cut his eye open today in one of the local play places. We were in a&e 6 hours, treatment took about 15 minutes ha ha! They glued it back together twice so hopefully it will heal quite neatly.

Feel so tired now, from doing nothing! Kids were very well behaved though which I was thankful for but it was another time when I really felt how hard it is on my own.

We go on holiday to Malta soon, I can't wait! Hoping it will be an opportunity to recharge my batteries. My mum, sisters, dad & step mum will all be there & have offered babysitting. I'm also getting a guest visit from someone very special for a long weekend while we are there, it will be lovely to get some quality time together. Quite a big thing for them to do so I'm very happy that they want to. It's nice planning things & things in the future, lots is still uncertain but I guess we will cross any difficulties when or if we come to them. 

We had our first major argument last week, I think they are struggling with the whole single/relationship thing a bit. I was really gutted by something they said to one of their friends, felt like they were trying to prove something by talking about me like shit. Apparently it wasn't how I read it but black & white is hard to deny & I know I would never have said what they did. I just hope they realise their mistake & haven't just said they do to keep me happy. I think I felt worse as I was allowing someone to hurt me & that made me feel worthless. I think I need to be stronger!!! 

I am happy though, just hard to shake the insecurities my life has given me. I hope that they understand that I am trying. I just don't want to feel second best or that I'm someone that is convenient. I want to be a part of their life & everything in that. I've let them in just hope im not let down now, I want to be loved again 💗💗

Inquest statement & counselling

So i finally did my statement, yes I've been putting it off till I could put it off no more! Re-reading the events up until Matt died are horrible, & I have just got an overwhelming feeling of disbelief that it actually did happen. It shouldn't be allowed to, in this age where people are supposed to be helped & protected when they are vulnerable yet there never seems to be enough time to actually help them. So very sad, the kids are growing up without a dad & me without a husband :'(

The oldest two Kyla & Carwyn had their first counselling session this week, it was tough & scary having to face up to it. I just hope we can all get through it somehow, I hate how sad & angry the kids are & I just wish I could take that away. I also ordered a book for the younger children, it arrived today. It's called Muddy Puddles & Sunshine & gives the child an opportunity to talk through their feeling after someone close to them has died. It was recommended to me by someone who lost their daughter & she said her children found it very good to help them come to term (if that is ever possible) & cope. 

It's been a tough week so I'm going to leave it there today & give you a picture of my gorgeous little man Quinlan xx

Light up a life

Just got back from a lovely & very emotional evening at our local hospice. They were holding a light up a life service. 

From the hospice website:

Light up a Life gives us the opportunity to remember and to celebrate a life in a positive way, while joining together with others who understand the particular challenges we face at this time.  By lighting a light on the Nightingale House HospiceTree of Lights, which is situated at the Hospice on Chester Road, Wrexham families often find comfort in knowing that a light shines bright for theirloved ones this Christmas time and their legacy lives on.  Your light of course, does not have to be for somebody who was cared for by the Hospice, but anybody you wish to remember this Christmas.

A light was dedicated by us for Matt. It was lovely to sing carols, say prayers & snuggle & hold my babies close. 

Feeling blessed that my husband gave me our beautiful children & in them he will continue to grow. Xxxx

Lay ins & organising!

We had the luxury of a 'lie in' & had an 8am wake up this morning (although only due to a late night for the kids as we were at friends for a birthday party). This was the beautiful  face I was greeted with so can't complain at all.

Love this little lady!

I have a friend of my husbands doing some work in the house today so there is likely to be lots of mess created. I think I will give up with trying to keep it clean & tidy until after he has gone. We had the bright idea of turning the once box room into a bathroom & the old bathroom into a bedroom. Unfortunately Matt died before the work was finished so all our lovely friends are helping us so the kids have their bedrooms back. I keep telling myself it will all be worth it in the end. Although on finishing one area in the house just shows up the mess & need to decorate in the rest. 

 

Not great pics but you can sort of see the new bathroom. 

2 posts in one day??

Thought I would add a picture of me & my husband, this was taken on August 10th 2013 when we went out for our 10th wedding anniversary. It is our last picture together :'(